


(there is no) other option

by scrxamitout



Series: sovereignty [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Abortion, Angst, Discussion of Abortion, F/F, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 08:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13760076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrxamitout/pseuds/scrxamitout
Summary: Lena tells Kara about the time she had an abortion.





	(there is no) other option

**Author's Note:**

> soooo this is inspired because in my country abortion is not legal, and there's a lot of talks about it lately and I thought this was a good start, this is going to be a part of a series, that are mostly bassed on the big little lies and dynasty dynamics, but I still haven't decided if it's going to be with or without powers, and if it will be sanvers or agentreign!
> 
> TW abortion, blood, fasting

“What do you think about abortion?” Kara asked out of nowhere.

Well, it might not have been out of nowhere, but it wasn’t exactly something that Lena would have been waiting for heard. It was a casual lunch date, nothing too big, but in the last weeks Kara was questioning Lena a lot.

“I am pro choice” the CTO answered. Serious face and suddenly a little bit paler.

“You have something to say” Kara keeps her eyes on Lena, waiting for her to continue the story.

“I need to hear your opinion first, darling.”

She took a sip of her water, while Kara anatomizes the raven haired woman face and actions. Doubting, steady she talks “I think it’s complicated. I mean obviously I’m not someone to talk about it. I mean, I can’t say or take the place of someone who has to do that decision.” Lena takes the fork again but don’t take any food from her plate, Kara inhales deeply and keeps talking. “At the same time, I think it’s something that it’s complicated, I know nobody would have an abortion if they can decide, but I think it should be avoided as much as possible. Having an abortion can be hard, especially for the body, it can have so much consequences. Also an abortion or a miscarriage can lead to a depression, or other mental problems.”

Lena nods a little and takes a bit of the lettuce of her salad. She doesn’t exactly starts eating again; she’s more playing with her food, while Kara is almost half of her pasta plate. The blonde can feel the uncomfortable silence between them, something that has never happened to them in the four months they have as friends. She opens her mouth but the green eyed one talks first.

“I had an abortion.”

She knows she’s half lying but she won’t admit it to Kara. Her decision was an abortion; whatever happened later wasn’t her choice. She expects Kara to ask why, how could she, or something about how did she get pregnant. Kara only ask in a quietly voice “When?”

“It was by the time Lex was imprisoned, between that and the trial” Lena’s eyes are suddenly wet. The green is unclear and look like a mix between green and grey. She’s darker, like if she had a cloud around her. Remorse, maybe.

“Jack was the father?” Kara’s hand reach for Lena’s, who accepts the comfort her best friend is giving to her.

“Yes, he was. I haven’t really told this to anyone, I didn’t know Sam at the time this happened. I get the news one week after they took Lex from home; I was so mad and sad at him. Lionel was taking over LuthorCorp, so he didn’t have time either. I spent a whole week in my room, eating so little and almost without sleeping. I was also having morning sickness, it was so bad actually. I lost weight, like quite a lot for only a week.”

She stops telling it, with her glare held in a part of the room. Kara tries to smile but she can’t. She knows how hard it is to Lena. Even if her friend attempts to never break her CTO façade, the blue eyed woman knows better. She knows Lena is so fragile, and sensitive. She _is_ a badass, and brave, but she’s also so smart and hurt.

“I don’t need to know the story” Kara reassures Lena’s hand in her own, adding her other hand trying to comfort the pale woman as much as she can. “I trust you; you probably had no other choice.”

“I had” green eyes situates on the blue ones. “I had other choice. There’s always another choice, but I didn’t. When that week passed, I called Jack. I told him. He said his father was handing him Spheerical industries, that money wasn’t a problem for us. He said he would marry me if I want to. But I said no, I tried to make him see that I couldn’t have a baby. He tried to convince me but I told him my body wouldn’t resist, my stress levels wouldn’t help, and my life couldn’t have a baby at the moment.”

Kara stands up and walks with Lena, wrapping her arms around the younger. She touched Lena’s hair, while Lena sobs in Kara’s neck.

“He told me if I was sure, that then he would respect me. He steal the pills from Biospheer technologies, he also explained me how to take them.” Large tears where falling from the cloudy green eyes. “He told me he couldn’t be there. He said he-he couldn’t murder his own blood. He told me he loved me but he couldn’t watch me doing it.”

“He was so dumb” Kara whispers.

“No, I get him, I comprehend him. I never thought I would be able to have an abortion, but the time came, and I knew I couldn’t offer any good thing to the baby except money. But money is not everything. I also knew I couldn’t give them up for adoption. I was adopted. By the Luthors, and all my life I felt unworthy, I felt like I was nothing. I’m not the real heir; I don’t have their same blood. I couldn’t bear the thought of someone else living like this because of my choices.” Lena clears her throat and takes a sip of water, under the embrace of her best friend. “I took the pills. The first hour nothing happened, and then I started to feel more and more nauseous. I vomited a lot, I remember the intense pain, right here” she puts a hand in her stomach, “I felt like I was going to die or pass out, and I couldn’t tell anyone. But then the morning came by, and the girl who always gave me my breakfast entered to my room. She found me in the bathroom, almost passed out, I was a mess. There was blood. She ran and alerts Lillian and Lionel.”

Lena’s sobs where over, she was still with Kara at her side, but she was cold, staring at the immense nothing. Doing nothing, not even moving an eyelash. Her breath was deep, slow. Her face was slightly older. She looked like a myriad of demons inside her, considering talking or not.

The room never felt so cold to Kara, white, grey, black, it felt clinical. Lena’s the only thing that gives warm to the room, but in the state she was, staring deeply without showing an exact emotion. The blonde felt she didn’t belong in the picture, that monochromatic scene Lena has created as the CTO. She was firm, in a way calm but contradicted, and Kara just felt bad. She wanted to belong; to help her friend, to her not be the only one messed in the room.

“They took me to a hospital. They brought the doctors and nurses; nobody ever said something about how they saw Lena Luthor, with blood in her thighs, drugged entering there.” Lena looked at Kara. “I was alone, and scared. I had another choice but I didn’t take it. Thinking about it, I still don’t really know what I would have done. Maybe Jack was right, that would be the only baby we could have. But now he’s death, the baby too. And I am, again, scared.”

Lena cupped Kara’s face with one hand.

“Kara, thanks to you I’m not longer alone. That’s why I’m telling you this. I’m not the best person in the world; I can’t promise I haven’t done things I regret. If you want to leave, please leave now.”

The blonde put her hand in her best friend’s one, that was still touching her wet tears. She saw Lena’s red lips, the mascara in her eyes, the a little bit messed up make up. She saw how Lena’s transformed from cloudy to a piece of light. How the sun projected in the snow white skin. Kara smiled.

“Lena, I’m not going anywhere. You… You are not alone. I love you.”

A tear escaped the green eyes.

“I love you too, Kara.”

They stayed like that, growing closer, their foreheads touching. But it was that. They didn’t need a kiss, they won’t kiss. Kara wanted to respect Lena’s mourning, and Lena didn’t want a situation so sad to be their first kiss.

The salad and the pasta forgotten long ago, the monochromatic room so light, and Kara with her golden light and warm skin was all Lena could have thought about. Kara stayed, and that was the last thing she needed to know, the last thing she needed to give her heart. Because for the first time in a long time, Lena trusted.

**Author's Note:**

> critism is really appreciated! please answer if you want me to continue this, and the two questions I left at the beginning!


End file.
